Listen

I hate writing but I keep buying journal books and here I’ am starting a blog. I am writing because I want to be heard. I am a 1st year teacher and this is my 4th month in. I teach second graders in the inner city. I teach but they don’t hear me. I am not the only 1st year teacher at my school. Us 1st year teachers talk but they don’t really hear me. I have a teaching coach and she definitely doesn’t hear me. She is supposed to observe me once a week but she has only been in my room 4 times in the past 4 months. Feedback from her….there is none.

 The only person that hears me is my grade group partner. She teaches right next to me, so she hears me at my worst. She hears me yelling at my students during my lowest points of the day, she hears me slamming doors and throwing books. She hears my students laughing and screaming at one another. She hears our utter chaos.
 

We speak every day; in the morning, during the day and when our children leave for the day. She hears my frustrations and my cries. But today I HEARD her. I don’t know exactly what the words were that came out of her mouth but I HEARD that the change that I want to see in my classroom will have to start with me. I HEARD that I am great at analyzing and thinking about the situation but I am not great at executing a plan. What I HEARD hurt me. I came home and cried on my husband’s shoulder and took a nap.
 

Self-pity has left and a change in the making has come. 

This is my blog to speak and to be heard. This is my blog to learn and grow. This is my blog to conquer and overcome my 1st year teaching blues.