Me a Teacher???

I hate teaching....  I really do....   I resent the fact that lesson planning takes me away from my husband at night and weekends.  I resent having to come home late because of prepping or spending my time with one of my students for a detention.  I resent having to dedicate time to these stupid ass bulletin boards....  Just a few of my resentments....

I honestly think that that I walked into a career that is absolutely wrong for me...  I am not consistent with my classroom management, I move slow in the class, my students are disrespectful towards me and I just feel completely overwhelmed.  I don't see me doing this next year.  In fact I DON'T think that I should do this next year.  I took a MAPP Career Test and my results do not line up with TEACHERNESS (So not a word...but I am using it for lack off a better word).  Mind you I should be going over my lesson plans and researching classroom management strategies.....  Oh well here goes portions of my results: 

Motivational levels are highest for (Insert Name) when in the limelight where recognition is earned, deserved, or given. However, there is no "ego trip" involved in the effort. (Insert Name) can comfortably function in the foreground or the background. Nonetheless, recognition is a motivating vocational factor. 

(Ha!  As a teacher, I totally feel that I do not get recognized or appreciated.  Yes I am feeling that early in the game!)

Deadlines do not motivate (Insert Name) as they only increase the pressure. "Deadline" is the word that comes to mind when(Insert Name) thinks or hears of plans, schedules, assignments, objectives, and/or goals. (Insert Name) needs and values leisure, flexibility, and opportunity to set and go at a self-pace (sometimes insisting on the right). If others try to push for faster performance from (Insert Name), it could have the effect of slowing down progress even further. 

(Now this part really made me laugh!  This is soooo me- and so not good qualities for a teacher!!  I hate plans, schedules and objectives.... or I have grown to hate them... at least in this profession.  The funniest part is having leisure time, flexibility and opportunity to set and go at a self-pace.  These are things that just don't exist in the teaching profession).

(Insert Name) preferences are oriented toward fact, reality, and tangible processes. (I think that this has hindered me in discipline and some aspects of classroom management)

Very insightful and interesting information.  I am happy to have taken the test but will have to unfortunately put this on hold.  I honestly do have to do something about my classroom management and that will have to be my first priority (obviously it was not tonight).  I still owe my children the best education that I can possibly give them.  I won't be revisiting this until June.

Any advice out there for whole group classroom management?  Motivating a not so motivated teacher?  First- Year teacher blues?

Listen

I hate writing but I keep buying journal books and here I’ am starting a blog. I am writing because I want to be heard. I am a 1st year teacher and this is my 4th month in. I teach second graders in the inner city. I teach but they don’t hear me. I am not the only 1st year teacher at my school. Us 1st year teachers talk but they don’t really hear me. I have a teaching coach and she definitely doesn’t hear me. She is supposed to observe me once a week but she has only been in my room 4 times in the past 4 months. Feedback from her….there is none.

 The only person that hears me is my grade group partner. She teaches right next to me, so she hears me at my worst. She hears me yelling at my students during my lowest points of the day, she hears me slamming doors and throwing books. She hears my students laughing and screaming at one another. She hears our utter chaos.
 

We speak every day; in the morning, during the day and when our children leave for the day. She hears my frustrations and my cries. But today I HEARD her. I don’t know exactly what the words were that came out of her mouth but I HEARD that the change that I want to see in my classroom will have to start with me. I HEARD that I am great at analyzing and thinking about the situation but I am not great at executing a plan. What I HEARD hurt me. I came home and cried on my husband’s shoulder and took a nap.
 

Self-pity has left and a change in the making has come. 

This is my blog to speak and to be heard. This is my blog to learn and grow. This is my blog to conquer and overcome my 1st year teaching blues.